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  • BREAKING: White House Staffer Arrested On Attempted Murder Warrant (DETAILS)

    Donald Trump, News, Politics

    Because this season of the ‘Trump Presidency’ isn’t weird enough, a White House contractor has found himself in quite a pickle. By ‘pickle,’ we mean that he was wanted by police on an attempted first-degree murder charge and was subsequently arrested on Tuesday as he came into work, law enforcement officials said. Now, we’re not sure how the police knew which criminal to arrest — after all, the White House is packed full of them, starting from the top. There’s just so many to choose from.


    The US Secret Service said in a statement that it was notified on Monday about the contractor, Martese Edwards, who was the subject of an arrest warrant issued by Prince George’s County in Maryland, just outside of Washington, according to CNN.

    “Edwards was promptly arrested by Secret Service Uniformed Division Officers at a checkpoint outside of the White House complex when he was reporting to work as a contractor,” the statement from the Secret Service read.

    Edwards was transported to a Washington Metropolitan Police Department station for processing, the agency said.

    Edwards had access to parts of the White House.

    Separately, a law enforcement official said Edwards was wanted for attempted first-degree murder. But the precise details of the charges were unknown.

    As a contractor, Edwards would have had access to at least some part of the White House complex and would be subject to security screenings before entering the grounds.

    There have been no specifics offered as to what Edwards’ role was at the White House, and what capacity he worked in. Who knows, maybe he was just checking for bugs and/or digging tunnels under the White House so that Trump and his crime family can eventually make their escape, with a pleading Melania begging him to come back so she can get the prenup cleaned up a bit.

    We look forward to the next season of the Trump Presidency. The first few sure have been chaotic.

    Image: Tom Lohdan via Flickr, under Creative Commons license 2.0. 


    Conover Kennard

    Conover makes tea partiers cry as a hobby. She was Commander of Jade Helm15 during the failed takeover of the South. She's also one of the biggest arseholes on Twitter. At night, she can be found drinking Conservative tears while pulling off the wings of flies just because she can. She is the founder of a Marxist, Commie, Maoist, Socialist site and has contributed to several other sites, blah blah blah. She is an awful person but she doesn't like to brag about that.